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Alex Baia's avatar

Humor piece headlines. Which one(s) should I write?

1. How People Told Time Before They Knew Time Existed

2. Is It A Genie, Or Just Some Asshole Who Lives In A Lamp?

3. It’s Crazy How Much Money You Have To Make Just To Have Any Money

4. Whoops, I Woke Up 7 Hours Too Late Again

5. Kafka’s Asbestos Factory

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Ryan David's avatar

I like #2 because I can't imagine a sane reason for a person to live in a lamp, and #5 I don't fully understand, which makes me want to read on.

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Frances Gapper's avatar

#1 and #2!

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Michael Lieberman's avatar

Same. 1 and 2.

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Melody's avatar

#2 genies have gotten away with too much! #4 also v relatable

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Dawn Ford's avatar

Love 1. I wonder did they TELL time by word of mouth?

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Alex Speredelozzi's avatar

All good, but laughed out loud at #2.

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Untitled Writers Project's avatar

I love #2 and #3. I'm also curious about #1.

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Jill's avatar

very intrigued by 1 and 2. what kind of asshole lives in a lamp? need to know.

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Amiel's avatar

All this time business sounds like a good topic for a philosophy thesis

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Rosanna Southerton's avatar

1. is such a solid, excellent premise - I wonder how it would look with some specificity- Like “How I Would Have Told Time Before It Existed” - more words, I appreciate! Or “How The English Told Time Before It Existed” or even taking a spin with less words and more capacity to prod at people a bit: “How Birds Tell Time”. 2. is a romp, 3. would have some funny reps too!

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Dan Leavitt's avatar

I like #4. Why so late? And what happened as a result? #5 sounds like it would make a good short story!

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Karan Mehra's avatar

#1 and #3 for me!

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Matt Sherring's avatar

Number 2!

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Robyn Bradley's avatar

I'm in the #1 and #2 camp!

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Jeff Jackson's avatar

Love #1, #3 and #5 - Kafka's Asbestos Factory, it's triple depressing lol...

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Aaron Ring's avatar

Number 1. I'd love to see you handle that one without imploding reality.

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John Breneman's avatar

Fake genie yappin’ ‘bout granting three wishes …

probably just blowin’ smoke …

puffin’ on a vape

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Jill's avatar

DAY 5 LET'S GO. here are my headlines:

1. 9 Business Tips From Your Local Lemonade Stand Kids

2. You’ve Been Cooking Your Ice Cream All Wrong

3. A 10-Course Meal Curated by the Cast of Jackass

4. Wilderness Survival Tips From the Ghost of Steve Irwin

5. I’m Your Mom’s Minivan and Boy Have I Seen Some Shit

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Alex Baia's avatar

I like the surreal quality of 2

5 good too

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Marianne Curan's avatar

#5 Reminds me of bit we did on my Radio show, "Minivan Mom." We'd randomly choose a Minivan Mom & ask her to find an object in 30 seconds, i.e. pacifier, a french fry, a sock, etc. & if she found it she'd win a prize. Quite eye opening what are in some of those cars!!

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Jill's avatar

this is hilarious, what a great idea!

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Amiel's avatar

Love this. Maybe for an extra challenge seat a half dozen 16-year old boys in the minivan while she is searching?

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Marianne Curan's avatar

Yes!! LOL!

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Lisa Levy's avatar

Thats such a great idea for a radio show!

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Michael Maiello's avatar

I love #5. It could also be a series. "I'm your Mom's jeans..."

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Jill's avatar

Ok yes i started to really go down a rabbit hole of what “your moms ______” could be and there are some very funny alternatives. gonna play around with this

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David Calkins's avatar

I like 1 and 5

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Quipso Facto's avatar

#2 and #5!

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Dan Leavitt's avatar

I want to know what's going on in that minivan!

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Karan Mehra's avatar

hahaha these are all strong!

#2 and #5 made me lol.

#3 and #4 would've probably hit harder had I watched either of those on TV.

#1 sounds actually legit, and hence less funny. I'm not entrepreneurial at all so I'd read that non-ironically.

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Robyn Bradley's avatar

Ha! These are all great, but I love #2 and #5

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Tippi Bobeaux's avatar

1!

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Tara Leigh Parks's avatar

I love #2, #4 and #5.

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Michael Lieberman's avatar

I like 2!

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Jennifer Haubrich's avatar

1 and 5 for me!

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Ian Boyd's avatar

2,4, and 5 for me!

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Aaron Ring's avatar

#2 intrigues me.

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Kyrie's avatar

I like 1 and 5! I really would love to see what the minivan has seen though.

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Tod Brubaker's avatar

I like 5.

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Untitled Writers Project's avatar

Hello everyone - here are my latest headlines for the Humor Writing Track.

1. The Secret To Backseat Driving

2. Daily Self-Care Affirmations So Effective You Won't Need To Shower

3. 12 Simple DIY IKEA Hacks That Can Save Your Marriage

4. How To Determine If There's A Hyper-Realistic Cake In Your Apartment

5. Tonight's Sleepscape: Your Neighbor's Awkward Bonkfest

Thanks again for all your feedback so far!

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John Breneman's avatar

I like all 5 of these

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Marianne Curan's avatar

First thought 1, 2, and 3--love them. Then I looked up "Hyper-Realistic Cakes" & LMAO!!

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Dawn Ford's avatar

UWP Yer popular! My favs are 1,2,3

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Tom Vandel's avatar

I go for 1, 2, and 3. Love the idea of affirmations, and saving your marriage with IKEA (no batteries needed).

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Jill's avatar

1 and 2 💪

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David Calkins's avatar

My vote is 2 :)

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Shawn Emhe II's avatar

4, because now I need to know. That headline grabs hard

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Quipso Facto's avatar

#2, #4, and #5 for the use of the word "Bonkfest"

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Rosanna Southerton's avatar

1 is soooo funny.

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Karan Mehra's avatar

#1 and #5 for me!

Love how #1 flips the narrative and gets on travel's most-hated person's side.

#5 is just absurdly funny.

#2: the "setup" (first part of the headline) is very strong, I feel like you could find a stronger "punchline" ("to shower").

#3: similar to the above: it's a little close to reality. I feel like you could absurd-up what the IKEA tips could help with. Or darken (and in this case keep logically believable), e.g. "save you from continuously losing your babies"

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Untitled Writers Project's avatar

Thanks!

I agree with you about #2 - I'll try to amp up the exaggeration.

Hahaha. I love your dark twist on #3 - amazing!

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Jen Metcalf's avatar

The first 4 are all excellent! Write these, please!

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Robyn Bradley's avatar

OMG, I'm obsessed with that guy on Instagram who makes the hyper-realistic cakes, so I NEED that one. But I also really like #2 and #3.

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Lulu's avatar

I’d love to read 4!

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Tippi Bobeaux's avatar

2 is amazing!!

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Lisa Levy's avatar

I love 1-4. They are all good just liked the others better

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Tod Brubaker's avatar

I like 1 and 5.

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Rosanna Southerton's avatar

Hey Everyone! Humour headers again from me. Tried to keep 'em tight. See you in the comments!

1. I STILL NEED SIX EGGS.

2. This Is My First Rodeo

3. Your Missing Socks Are In The Quantum Laundry

4. Things I Promised God In Exchange For Ending An IBS Episode

5. I Escaped The Grind By Distracting The Grindmaster

A heads up: If 1 is confusing, it's a Beauty And The Beast allusion.

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Alex Baia's avatar

I like 3 and 5. Nice weirdness to them

Years ago I tried to write a piece with the same title as 2. So I like that one too, and hope your luck is better

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Rosanna Southerton's avatar

I like 5 too! It's just got a lot of room to go some strange places that turn escaping the grind into a quest, and there's little more I relish than trivialising modern work conditions. I'll let you know how 2. goes if I follow through - thanks Alex.

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Untitled Writers Project's avatar

Ha! Thanks for explaining #1 - I definitely needed that.

I like all of these, but my favorite is #2!

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Sadie Freely's avatar

I'd also like to see #2. I'm hoping that rather than literal, it's more of a "beginner's mind" kind of idea. :-)

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Dawn Ford's avatar

2! Giddy Up!

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Ryan David's avatar

5!

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Dan Leavitt's avatar

Love #2 and #3.

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Karan Mehra's avatar

#2!

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Robyn Bradley's avatar

Really love #2 (so relatable, and yet I want to know more about this quantum laundry)

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Tara Leigh Parks's avatar

#2 and #1 are really funny.

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Tara Leigh Parks's avatar

The premises provide good starting points.

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Mandy's avatar
Sep 5Edited

#1 that’s too expensive. 😉

And I really think #2 could be hilarious!

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Michael Lieberman's avatar

I like 1 best.

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Jennifer Haubrich's avatar

2 and 4 are funny to me!

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Kyrie's avatar

Love 2! I have a sticker that says that but would love to see what actual satire can develop from it.

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Aaron Ring's avatar

I didn't catch the Beauty and the Beast allusion, still thought it was funny. That and number 2.

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Mum Guilt and Other Stories's avatar

I claim 2 all the time, think 4s my fave though

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Tod Brubaker's avatar

Chuckled at 4.

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Rosanna Southerton's avatar

I'm always like, 'I promise I'll spend more time appreciating the gifts of the everyday if you end this absolute hell." Maybe a funnier piece would be God's considerations of requests for ending IBS upset...

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Benedict's avatar

I'm doing the stand up track.

1) My father was great, he would always play games with me. Mostly psychological. Hide and deceit. Who can stay silent for the longest.

2)Since Covid my neighbour went completely anti vax, it's all he wants to talk about. He’s fixated , rigid thinking . Somehow by not taking the vaccine, he ended up with autism

3)Andrew Tate is a terrible role model, time for a new leader of the bald community

4) We didn’t say the rosary at home – we only done Catholic things other people could see

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Quipso Facto's avatar

1 and 2 are my fave

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Karan Mehra's avatar

#1 and #3 are my picks!

#1 very funny. Since today's theme is conciseness, (nitpicky) suggestion here to cut the word "for" in "for the longest".

#3 made me laugh! For conciseness (and maybe humor?), how about "a new leader of the balds"?

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Benedict's avatar

Thanks for reading, good points well made. Noted, cheers

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Robyn Bradley's avatar

I love #1 with #4 coming in a close second (from a lapsed Catholic here, I can relate, lol)

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Benedict's avatar

Yeah lapsed Irish catholic here - yeah it resonates? Thankfully we we'rent dogmatic but more just concerned with what other people thought ! :-)

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Jeff Jackson's avatar

They all sound so true, which makes them funny, love #4 the best...

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Tippi Bobeaux's avatar

4!

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Tod Brubaker's avatar

Love 2 and 3.

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Michael Lieberman's avatar

I like 1!

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Jennifer Haubrich's avatar

3 and I'd like you to list some possible alternative bald leaders

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Benedict's avatar

Good idea !

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Kyrie's avatar

2 is my favorite, would love to see more the the Catholic themed horror though.

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Terry Heyman's avatar

Big love for #2

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Jeff Gabbard's avatar

All 4 are great. Maybe 1 and 2 are my favs.

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Benedict's avatar

Thanks ! Good to know !

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Amiel's avatar

I like #2. Consider shortening it.

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Benedict's avatar

Thanks, ya i think that's good advice

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Jill's avatar

love the idea that guys like Andrew Tate are bad for the bald community. he's no Mr. Clean, that's for sure

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Benedict's avatar

Thanks ! yes he sure aint !

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Robyn Bradley's avatar

I love #1 with #4 coming in a close second (from a lapsed Catholic here, I can relate, lol)

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Lulu's avatar

Here's what I have today!:

1. I’m the Editor of Your 700-Page Fantasy Novel, and, Bud, I Think We Can Make It Even Longer

2. Tactical War Plan: Maximizing Emotional Carnage of Your High School’s Production of 'Grease'

3. Guide to Making Your Exorcism Feel More Inclusive

4. American Girl Doll Union Meeting Minutes

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Alex Baia's avatar

I like 1 and 3

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Untitled Writers Project's avatar

I love #1

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Quipso Facto's avatar

#1 is my fave

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Dan Leavitt's avatar

#3. What would a "trauma-informed" exorcism look like?

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Robyn Bradley's avatar

I love all of these! If I had to pick, I'd go with #3, #1, #4, and #2

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Adam P's avatar

#1, very funny. The 'Bud' sells it.

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Tod Brubaker's avatar

I like 1 best.

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The Humor Rebel Writer's avatar

#3, write it!

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Mandy's avatar

1 had me cackling but I absolutely must read 4!! Please write it!

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Michael Lieberman's avatar

I like 4 best.

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Terry Heyman's avatar

More love for 1 and 4

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Frances Gapper's avatar

I like #3 especially = also #1

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Melody's avatar

these are all great, but i'm dying for #4 and #1 as a close second

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Aaron Ring's avatar

#1 is a hilarious idea.

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Lisa Levy's avatar

LOVE #4

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Rosanna Southerton's avatar

I think 1 has a voice, a mission, and there'd be so many amazing call-outs you could do about how epically long fantasy novels can get for the most ridiculous reasons.

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Rachel Kador's avatar

5 headlines, as short as I could get them today.

1. “Weren't they siblings?” My Review of Wuthering Heights

2. Adding “Tok” to the End of Your Niche Interest Doesn’t Make It a Trend, You Dweeb

3. Rousing the Theater Troupes: A Fascist’s Guide to Taking Over the Arts

4. “What Do I Do with Their Teeth?” And Other Parenting Quandaries

5. "I Never Knew He Was a War Profiteer” Claims Annie

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Dan Leavitt's avatar

#5. Always suspected there was something off with Daddy Warbucks. It was right there in front of us the entire time!

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Karan Mehra's avatar

#2 very funny! Biting.

#4 also very funny, and literally biting. As a non-parent and anti-having-kids, it made me feel superior to parents. So it worked not because of relatability or empathy, but the opposite.

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Aaron Ring's avatar

Liking #3 a lot. Lose "You Dweeb".

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Jill's avatar

hahahah 4 and 5 are great and intriguing. the helpless tone of 4 is really hitting for me.

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The Humor Rebel Writer's avatar

#3 definitely.

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Quipso Facto's avatar

#2!

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Robyn Bradley's avatar

#1 made me snort, lol

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Tippi Bobeaux's avatar

3 is too real right now. :…( 5 sounds really funny! If you do 1, I think you’d have to give us brief, unobtrusive refresher somehow for those of us who haven’t read the novel in a while!

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Mandy's avatar

I love 1!!

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Lisa Levy's avatar

Hah haha #4 so good

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Michael Lieberman's avatar

I like 2 best.

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Tod Brubaker's avatar

1 jumped out at me!

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Jennifer Haubrich's avatar

I like 1 and 4. Maybe on 4 you add "that nobody admits to asking" or "quietly struggles with" to let us know these are not commonly discussed

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Jodi Lustig's avatar

I like #1 for geek purposes!

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Ian Boyd's avatar

I really love 2!

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Kyrie's avatar

The teeth! I love 4. and would love to see more of what you'd do with #2.

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Untitled Writers Project's avatar

#4 intrigues me... I assume you're talking about their baby teeth?

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Clube de Leitura's avatar

Day 5 on the humor challenge track, with headlines of varying lengths. Again, thanks for the rec in today’s newsletter.

1. An Adaptation of Dogtanian and the Three Muskehounds, With Humans Instead of Animals, Written by Someone Completely Unfamiliar With the Original Story by Alexandre Dumas.

2. MC Escher Hip-Hop Album Gets Mixed, Contradictory Reviews

3. Hercules at the Job Fair

4. We Sailed the Deadliest Seas in Search of the Giant X on the Map And All We Got Was This Lousy Chest of Gold

5. Pied Piper of Hamelin Auditions for the Band on the Titanic

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Vincent Lynch's avatar

Feels like #1 could just be this: An Adaption of Dogtanian and the Three Muskehounds, but with Humans Instead of Animals

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Jennifer Haubrich's avatar

3 and 4!

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Robyn Bradley's avatar

Agreed! I love 3 and 4

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Rosanna Southerton's avatar

I think 5 would be great because there's sooo much room for you to make hilarious jokes about how his rider is 50 children who he has to keep enthralled at all times so they don't realise they've been abducted from their German village. I do wonder if there are other things you could also have him audition for (i.e. it could just be me but packing the Titanic and Pied Piper together didn't strike me as the most natural fit for a joke even thought it's entertaining!) such as Lower Saxony's Got Talent or something?

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Karan Mehra's avatar

#3 & #5!

I think this is mostly a function of me not being familiar with the other references. I live in the US but didn't grow up here, & on top of that, general pop culture awareness/interest is below average - in case that helps as a data point.

Btw I think you could drop "of Hamelin"! Unless that was deliberate in trying to make it sound more formal, or some other reason. I've heard of Pied Piper (enough to get the joke), but when I saw "of Hamelin", I had to google that to see if there was an obvious joke there that I wasn't getting.

Nicely done overall!

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Michael Lieberman's avatar

I like 4!

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Lulu's avatar

echoing that I would love to read 4!

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Ian Boyd's avatar

I especially love 1 and 4

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Aaron Ring's avatar

Number 4 please.

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Kyrie's avatar

I laughed out loud when I read 4.

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Tod Brubaker's avatar

Love 4.

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Untitled Writers Project's avatar

I like #1 and #4

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Nuria Sheehan's avatar

Laughed at 3, 4 &5. I think #3 is my fav

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John Breneman's avatar

#4 made me LOL

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Andrew's avatar

Day 5 headline:

Neil deGrasse Tyson Explains What Smash Mouth Got Wrong About Walking On The Sun

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Alex Baia's avatar

Great.

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Celina Muñoz's avatar

Ha. I'm definitely intrigued by this headline!

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Robyn Bradley's avatar

Ditto! This is great

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Jennifer Haubrich's avatar

It's been really fun this week, Alex. Thanks!

1) The Least Used Emojis Plead Their Case

2) Scenes from “Obtaineth a License at ye olde DMV” by W. Shakespeare

3) Marriage Vows Written by People Who’ve Been Married For Too Long

4) The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Perimenopausal Women

5) Urgent Questions From Your Friend Who Is Not At All Self-Centered

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Alex Baia's avatar

I like 1 best

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Taline Banks's avatar

1 and 2 are my favorites!

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Alex Speredelozzi's avatar

All very funny. #1 made me laugh because it's just, well, funny, and silly. I also like #3 a lot.

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Ryan David's avatar

Hard to choose a favorite, but #1! I'm not sure if the titled intended to hint at this, but my brain immediately started thinking about these emojis pleading for their lives 😂

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Robyn Bradley's avatar

I like all of these, but my faves are #1 and #4

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Adam P's avatar

#1 seems fun!

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Untitled Writers Project's avatar

I like #5

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Tod Brubaker's avatar

Laughed at 1! Great visual dimension to the joke, too. My mind started picturing the eggplant emoji for some reason.

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Mandy's avatar

I need to read 4!! 😆 All these are great though!

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Michael Lieberman's avatar

I like 5 best.

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Melody's avatar

hi writers! here are today's Humor Writing headlines:

1. Open Letter From Your TikTok Algorithm

2. Fall Outfit Ideas That Don't Involve Your Boyfriend's Denim Jacket

3. AI’s Not Going To Take Your Job, But The CEO’s Cousin Larry Probably Will

4. It’s Me, Your Brain! How About A Quick 45-Question Survey Before You Fall Asleep?

5. Ambitious Plan To Wake Up Early And Exercise Thwarted By Who You Are As A Person

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Aaron Ring's avatar

5 all day.

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Rosanna Southerton's avatar

3, 4, and 5 are great. 4 is so relatable and also you've got a fantastic comedic form there ready to go for a hilarious piece with callbacks, cyclical thinking, spiralling etc. I'd want to read that one!

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Untitled Writers Project's avatar

I like #1 and #4

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Quipso Facto's avatar

4 and 5 are my favorites

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Maria T.C.'s avatar

i love all of these, i would probably click on 4 first!

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Dan Leavitt's avatar

I like #5, we are all our own worst enemy :)

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Karan Mehra's avatar

wow these are all so strong. i vote for all 5!

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Robyn Bradley's avatar

These are all great, but I love the survey one in #4

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Tod Brubaker's avatar

Great list! I love 2, 3, 4, and 5! I'd probably click on 1, too.

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The Humor Rebel Writer's avatar

#3, Nepo Nepo

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Mandy's avatar

I feel 5 in my soul. I love the idea in 4!!

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Michael Lieberman's avatar

I like #2 best.

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Sadie Freely's avatar

tough choice! I narrowed it down to #2, #4 and #5. Can especially relate to the quick 45 question survey. ;-)

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Jodi Lustig's avatar

Ha on #3! And let's just say I resemble #5.

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Frances Gapper's avatar

I like #2 and #5 !

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Steve Improv-able's avatar

Day 5 headlines: The shorter the better!

1. A high income zombie’s guide to weight loss.

2. Weight Watcher’s Waffles will widen your waist. Wait what?

3. The benefits of micro dosing crack.

4. Emotional support dogs for your dog.

5. Poker player wins tournament by removing eyebrows.

Bonus: Penile Obesity

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Alex Baia's avatar

4 is great

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Lisa Levy's avatar

Love 4 the most +also 5

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Rosanna Southerton's avatar

Love assonance, so 2. is fun - but 4 is a great premise, and 5 is a really funny stand-alone headline.

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Untitled Writers Project's avatar

I prefer #4!

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The Humor Rebel Writer's avatar

#1, diet tips? LOL.

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Tod Brubaker's avatar

Love 5, followed by 1.

Like 4 too, but pretty sure that's be written already. I'd google it to make sure.

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Mandy's avatar

4 had me giggling!!

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Melody's avatar

#2! very intriguing premise

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Frances Gapper's avatar

LOVE #4 !!! Also #2.

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Terry Heyman's avatar

Hey y'all, stand up jokes...let me know which you think is strongest or feel free to offer any suggestions on how to tighten/improve.

1. My mother was tough. She’d insist I follow her rules. She thought she knew everything. But at the end of her life she softened and said she found God. Which was weird because in her mind SHE was God....Wait, does that mean I have a half-brother?

2. When my kids were growing up I worried about bullying, drugs, drinking. And that’s just at the family reunion.

3. When I was a teenager, I asked my mom if I needed to douche. She said, no, my vagina was like a self-cleaning oven. Don’t put anything in there that you wouldn’t put in your mouth. I can tell you tampons taste awful.

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Rosanna Southerton's avatar

2 is tight, gets to the punchline - I like it!

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Karan Mehra's avatar

#3 for me!

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Robyn Bradley's avatar

I like them all, but #3 is my fave!

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Jeff Jackson's avatar

#2!

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Jennifer Haubrich's avatar

2 and then 1!

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Kyrie's avatar

2!

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Untitled Writers Project's avatar

My favorite is #2

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Nuria Sheehan's avatar

these are all funny! #2 is my favorite

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Jeff Gabbard's avatar

#2 is my favorite. I like #3, but I immediately went to.

When I was a teenager, I asked my mom if I needed to douche. She said, no, my vagina was like a self-cleaning oven. Just wipe out the ash once a month.

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Terry Heyman's avatar

hahaha

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John Breneman's avatar

Love the Family Reunion joke

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Tod Brubaker's avatar

Lol, I like them all!

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Jill's avatar

hahahaha number 3 is great. maybe you could add something like "but i've always been a rebel" in there before admitting that tampons aren't delicious

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Robin Mo's avatar

Yooo! That Kevin Hart SNL skit was hilarious.

Here are my 5 (or 6) headlines!

1. What The Fuck Am I Looking At? Brutally Honest Commentary on Trending Abstract Art

2. Social Inequality Spotted! No Blind People At Local Nudist Colonies

3. Why You Shouldn't Use Deodorant (If You Wanna Get Laid)

4. Why Using AXE Dark Temptation Body Spray Is Not The Aphrodisiac You Think It Is

5. Advertisers Sad You're Using Ad Block On A Free Platform With Genuinely Helpful Products Personalized To You You Ungrateful Son of a Bitch

BONUS:

6. Being Cool No Longer Cool. Being Silly Chicken Now Trending.

Hope I won't get banned for sneaking an extra in there haha.

Have a nice ass weekend guys! =)

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Dan Leavitt's avatar

#4

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Karan Mehra's avatar

loved #1, #5 nearly made me spit out my beer.

#3 and #4 didn't work as strongly for me, because (as a guy) i already know axe won't get me laid. my hunch is that most people watching those ads feel the same. so wondering if it expectation could be thwarted in some other way? sorry i don't have a useful suggestion, because just going with the opposite "axe WILL get you laid" doesn't work either, coz that's what the ad is saying. sorry don't know if this helped at all!

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Lisa Levy's avatar

I LOVE #1

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Mandy's avatar

It’s 4 for me!!

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Michael Lieberman's avatar

I like 4 best

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Sadie Freely's avatar

#1 and #4 both made me LOL. Anyone who thinks AXE Dark Temptation Body Spray is an aphrodisiac needs to keep at minimum six feet social distance. (Let's see what sort of punishment for adding a sixth.)

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Kyrie's avatar

oh my gosh I love 5, but I think 1 I want to see on a personal level as someone who went to a very abstract art exhibit where I felt like I'd been conned.

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Christopher Brotzman's avatar

Love attacking advertisers in #5. Wonder if it becomes funnier if you add a name into the headline to it gets REALLY personal. like, "We Customized This Ad Just For You, Mark, And You're Going To Ignore It, You Ungrateful Son Of A Bitch?"

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Robin Mo's avatar

That’s hilarious. Thanks!

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Tod Brubaker's avatar

I like 5 best!

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Untitled Writers Project's avatar

I like the concept of #5 best. #1 also made me smile.

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John Breneman's avatar

rough idea for shortening #5:

Marketers: Stop Ad-Blocking Our Personalized Product Plugs, You Ungrateful Son of a Bitch!

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Robin Mo's avatar

Haha that’s great!

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Jill's avatar

would love to hear the argument for #3

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Maria T.C.'s avatar

Headline Drafts:

1. Responsible Use Checklist: Contact Lenses

2. Please Complete Your Financial Disclosure Form to Participate in Secret Santa

3. I Thought I Was in a Loving Relationship Until I Saw the Akron Zoo Gibbons

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Aaron Ring's avatar

Number 2.

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Karan Mehra's avatar

hahaha #3 made me lol. so absurd & "aww".

i didn't fully get #2 - is it to filter out the broke?

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Maria T.C.'s avatar

Thank you! For #2, I was inspired by financial conflicts of interest disclosures and questionnaires done in healthcare/research compliance. I was thinking of making one that would more so filter out people who may give 'bad' or cheesy gifts. I wouldn't want it to sound like a diss on broke/poor people, though, as that sounds too mean-spirited, so I'll think about it some more.

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Robyn Bradley's avatar

#2 is awesome! I love #3 as well

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Lisa Levy's avatar

2 is hilarious. I like 3 too

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Tod Brubaker's avatar

I like the weirdness of 3.

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The Humor Rebel Writer's avatar

Def. #2.

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Michael Lieberman's avatar

I like 3 best.

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Jennifer Haubrich's avatar

Secret Santa is a winner! Especially for people who have been screwed with a lame secret Santa in the past. This could be so funny!

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Kyrie's avatar

1 and 2! I think 2 draws me in more and is one I'd love to see before Christmas.

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Joe Kleinschmidt's avatar

I like the specificity of the reference in #3. I am intrigued!

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Untitled Writers Project's avatar

I love #2 and #3

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Nuria Sheehan's avatar

both #2 and #3 made me laugh

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Jeff Gabbard's avatar

2 and 3 are my favs. Would love to see a visual for #3

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Terry Heyman's avatar

more praise for #2!

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Jill's avatar

hahahaha #2 for sure

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Adam P's avatar

Hi all, here's my Friday Five (humor headlines). Some pithier than others...

1. Let's Get Down To Brass Tacks: Holy Shit Are Those Things Ugly

2. 10 No-Fail Weeknight Meal Ideas for Failures

3. They're Back to School! Go Get 'Em Kaylie (Kindergarten), Devin (2nd Grade), and Leonard (Continuing Education Class in Urban Farming, Tuesdays at 7).

4. Your Weekly Screen Time Report, With Judgy Commentary

5. I Placed Third in a Reality Baking-Engineering Competition Show. So Why am I Still Unemployable?

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Tod Brubaker's avatar

I like 4!

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The Humor Rebel Writer's avatar

#5, LOL.

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Tara Leigh Parks's avatar

#1, #2, #5. All fun.

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Mandy's avatar

Number 3 got a big laugh from me! :)

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Michael Lieberman's avatar

I like 4 best.

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Jennifer Haubrich's avatar

4 is highly relatable and could be very funny!

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Terry Heyman's avatar

#3...poor Leonard!

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Ryan David's avatar

#4! Solid premise and very relatable!

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Jodi Lustig's avatar

Love #4 because I feel the judgy commentary in my bones!

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Kyrie's avatar

4! I already feel judged seeing the times so added context would be great.

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Adam P's avatar

Thanks Kyrie. Do you think it's important to try to get that context into the headline?

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Kyrie's avatar
Sep 5Edited

Oh no! I think the title is crisp and clear, I immediately knew what kind of satire it was generally going to be and here for it whatever form it takes.

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Adam P's avatar

Awesome - thanks for the feedback.

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Untitled Writers Project's avatar

I like the concept of #4 best. Curious about the tone of the judgy commentary... Do you have a specific voice in mind?

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Adam P's avatar

Hi - thanks, and great question. I think the premise here is that it always feels awful to see how much time you spend on meaningless apps, and this will make you feel even worse. So the voice, I think, is your smart phone, all-knowing and getting very granular about your app choices. like "Huh, 37 minutes on Candy Crush Saga Sunday morning - I noticed you were at the softball park. Did you at least look up when your daughter was at bat, or did you not want to lose that lollipop hammer?" Thoughts?

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Kyrie's avatar

The ai caring more about the daughter is great, and would be a fun through-line if it got progressively more angry that the phone owner was missing precious moments.

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Quipso Facto's avatar

3 made me genuinely chortle, and #2 was great as well

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Dan Leavitt's avatar

I both love and am frightened by #4!

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Robyn Bradley's avatar

Love the escalation in #3! (I really like #4, too)

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